Cursed
by Ne Quittez Pas
Summary: L reflects on the roof before meeting his fate. Spoiler-y, hints of onesided LXRaito.


The bells were loud that day... almost too loud. Almost loud enough to drown out L's thoughts. Almost. In the back of his mind, he wondered where they were coming from. A church, probably. A wedding? A funeral? That seemed more fitting, considering...

He tried to focus on the bells for a while... just for a while. Rich, clear ringing... beautiful whole notes hanging, echoing in the air... It really was amazing that he could hear himself think.

And then the original subject of his thoughts came back to him and L knew for sure that the were, indeed, funeral bells. His funeral bells. He could feel death's icy grip hanging over him, invading his bones and passing right on through to his soul.

Or perhaps that was the rain.

It was a thought, and he looked at the darkened sky curiously. It was strange, really... how he could hear the bells so clearly over the rain. And now that he thought about it, he couldn't hear the rain at all. Just the ringing of the bells... he strained his ears as he stood, ready to hear the pattering of rain on the rooftop. It did not come.

How Raito would do it, L did not know. When, he knew. He could feel when but not how, just as he could feel the rain, smell the rain, see the rain, but all he could hear was the bells...

And it all seemed so obvious. L knew that if he were the L of months before and he had been in this situation, Yagami Raito would be on death row by now.

But he was not the L of months before.

He had played with Raito and Raito had played with him... they had danced around each other, both knowing and deceiving and biding time.

And L supposed he ought not to call it a game, because lives were on the line, but a game is what it was. And, if he were to be perfectly honest with himself, the only reason he had never played before was from lack of a worthy adversary. And Raito was certainly worthy, L would admit. L could have beat him, though, if he tried. He knew that he could beat Raito, if he played hard, at the top of his game.

But L also knew that he was distracted. Perhaps Raito knew, too. Raito was such a good actor that it could go either way... but Raito was giving it his all. This L knew without a doubt, because Raito certainly wouldn't have allowed things to come this far if he was in control of the situation... right?

Goddamn the bells, L couldn't think straight.

L morbidly wondered if the tennis match was simply foreshadowing his end. He had been distracted then, too. Holding back, observing while Raito gave his all. L had not honestly expected to lose that match. But he had observed too closely, forgot himself, and then... game, set, match. It had been close, L knew, but he had lost. He knew that, when he returned to the investigation room, he would fall. Raito would make L forget himself, like before... and Raito would win.

... L didn't have to go down there, though. He could dismiss the team, hand the investigation over to Mello and Near, let them wrap things up. But that would be running away.

It was strange that he didn't have the will to run now, when it mattered, when he had never had an issue with saving himself before... but Raito was turning out to be a universal exception for L.

L didn't have any friends-- except Raito. L was smarter than anyone he'd ever met-- except Raito. L could solve any puzzle-- except Raito. L could resist anything-- except Raito. L could stop anything-- except Raito. Raito, Raito, Raito... L's friend, L's equal, L's downfall. L didn't love anything... except Raito.

And L had told himself, consoled himself, that yes, if the evidence ever lined up against Raito, he would be able to detach himself. He would be able to send Raito to his death.

He could not. He could not kill Raito. But he could not save him, either. In a way, he was still running, by not running. Running from the unpleasantness of living knowing that he had condemned his friend to death, to the unpleasantness of dying knowing that he had been unable to save him.

And the bells tolled louder now, mourning his death, and he couldn't help but think it'd be better if they tolled for Raito, mourned him instead, because really, L was not the one who was cursed.


End file.
